Funny Facebook statuses are a great way to brighten up your social networking profile page. If you are looking for a few Facebook Status updates to make you look funny even though your not, then you have landed on the right page. This article is all about very funny Facebook status messages that have been written by real people, not lawyers, politicians aliens or robots.

• Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
• Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!
• trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
• ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
• You can steal my status updates if you like, but I lick each one before I post them.
• You don’t have to like me, I’m not a facebook status (;
• There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don’t.
• I tried to log on to Facebook. It said, “Cookies are required to operate.” I thought to myself, “Me too, Facebook. Me too.”
• I WISH i could be a status, so you could LIKE me
• I was on farmville once then immigration came a took all of my workers!
• Going to McDonalds for salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
• Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
• i know three facts about you,, one you can’t say M without your lips touching, two your trying it now and you look like an idiot alien, three now your smiling.
• ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
• Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.
• Whenever I need a moment to myself, I just go on MySpace.
• Insanity is doing the same thing over & over again & expecting different results. In other words, I just logged into Facebook. ツ
• The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions
• Mental Note: Actual notes work better.
• ˙ǝןƃuɐ ʇuǝɹǝɟɟıp ɐ ɯoɹɟ pןɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooן ɐ ƃuıʞɐʇ sı
• Have you noticed that the “lol” symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud
• this is why I hate firefox… it’s telling me that I am spelling everything wrong… including firefox and goodmorning… both of which are words thank you very much…
• will be accepting visitors who come bearing bottle shaped gifts… come one, come all.
• My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity, I replied, no, we all seem to enjoy it.
• Okay here is the true meaning of Homework H.O.M.E.W.O.R.K = Half Of My Energy Wasted On Random Knowledge
• when life gives me lemons, i could use some sugar
• A good friend will be there to calm you down when you are mad, but a best friend will be holding a shovel asking”Do you think the hole is deep enough?”
• wonders why are we are obsessed with trying to find intelligent life on other planets, when we cannot even find intelligent life here?
• One way to stay sane: sit in parked a car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars and see if they slow down.
• We’re all sinners saved by grace, unless you bake muffins, then you’re a sinner saved by grace with muffins! xD
• when I’m quiet, those that don’t know me look at me and think I’m shy. People who know me think: OMG! they’s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
• Chuck Norris was invited to a birthday party. Norris dared one kid to suck all the helium out of all of the balloons. Today this kid is known as Justin Bieber.

George  Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is  for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to  Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes.  When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a  million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen  Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes.  When she is  finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars,  so she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn  and talks for 4 hours.  When he is finished the devil informs  him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes  ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA  so  cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies: “Since Obama took  over, the country has gone to hell, so it’s a local  call.”